9th
Email To Noah Robischon
From: nickguidodenton@gmail.com
To: noah@gawker.com
Subject: Your name
Noah,
I’ve given this plenty of thought and, quite frankly, your name sucks. I’ve decided that you should change it. As my main doppelganger you need a name that embodies strength, virility, and potency. I need you to have a name that sounds as if I plucked you directly off of the set of Dude, Where’s My Dildo?
A name like Lockhart Steele.
I mean, how can any of my peers respect me when my Number 2 has a name like Noah Robischon? It just sounds so Canadian. Or, even worse, FRENCH! Arianna makes fun of me all the time as it is.
So I’ve come up a few names that I feel would be a better fit for you to choose from:
Thor Thorndeep
Sven Sweetsauce
Hugh G. Jackman
Manning Chowder
Rod Poundten
Jory Sicha (So hot!)
Boltlung Iron (It’s a play on words! Get it?)
Dick Nenton (I really like this one)
I suggest, you decide. Let’s meet in the cafe at McNally’s on Friday afternoon to discuss your decision.
XO,
Nick
PS- I’d also like for you to grow a Rollie Fingers-style mustache and to begin wearing a top hat. Thanks.
