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Gaby, be a dear and bring me another croissant please. (Please direct any legal documents to nickguidodenton at gmail dot com)

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It has come to my attention that many of my Gawker media employees are whining that their “fobs” deny them access to the new office outside of the hours of 8AM to 8PM, Monday through Friday. They’re wondering what sort of sordidness might be taking place in the office at night and on the weekends. The truth is simple enough, and that’s that I might just be up there with a few friends playing Ricky Gervais’ Penis Puppet Theatre, “the future of home entertainment.”

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